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09-05-2002

So, there I was, at home, sitting on the toilet with my pants on my ankles singing at the top of my lungs, my exams just a week away, and I was bored out of my mind. Seeing as I was already done there was nothing else for me to do and I thought "what the heck, let's just make another update for my site that no one visits!". So here I am.

And there I go. I mean, I now realize why no one ever visited my site. It sucks. And I don't mean it sucks like a 8 year old girl does when you tell her you got a lollipop in your pants, I mean like a leech which has settled inside your scrotum and has made itself very comfortable there.

But what the hey, the last time I updated was like 6 months ago. A lot has changed since. Thanks to Nelly, I've become a racist and signed up with the KKK. They kicked me out when they found out I was colored though. I didn't think they would mind make-up. Stupid uptight redneck pricks. Well, I got back at them: I stole their price pig. Actually, first I stole their wives, thinking they were of that noble breed known as swine, but I quickly rectified that error. I sold the women off to a lard manufacturing company somewhere in Iraq. It really is a good thing they are a free, capitalistic, slave trading country now.

Another thing that has changed is my gender. I'm no longer a boy. I'm a MAN now. Many of you will say "What are you talking about? A boy and a man are both of the same gender!". Well, to you I say you look mighty stupid talking to your pc! I hope for your sake no one was there in the room with you when you said that or they'll think you're some nutcase who has discussions with his monitor. I mean, a monitor is not there to argue with, it's there to make sweet, sensual machine sex to. And by "sweet, sensual machine sex" I mean "masturbating to porn movies".
But to go back to my point, I'm a MAN now. That's with capitalized letters. You know why it's written with capitalized letters? Because I have two cocks now! Yes, you heard that right: TWO COCKS! And I'm proud of them dammit!

I bought my cocks at a livestock market a while back. I wanted to buy some roosters as well, but they were all girlie and stuff and tried to fly away when I kicked them. So now I never have to set my alarm again because my cocks wake me up in the morning! Well, one does anyway. I was kinda grumpy yesterday morning and I kinda bit the other ones head off and then stuffed the liveless body up my ass. To pay him final respects, you see.

The final change is not so much a change, as it is murder one. See, I work at a restaurant now, as a dishwasher (they can't afford a real, automated one). One day at work, while I was busy gulping down soap and steaming hot water and stuffing plates in my mouth, this old woman staggered into the kitchen looking a bit lost. Being the friendly guy that I am, I violently snatched away her walking stick and proceeded to beat her with it until her false teeth got launched out of her mouth with her last breath, sliding across the floor before coming to a stop against one of the cooks feet. We do not allow patrons into the kitchen, you see. Guess the bitch should've thought twice before she decided to act wild and go trespassing. Really, the old people today have no respect for rules at all anymore.

So now I'm sitting at home, trying to hide from the cops, doing everything in my power to fill up my time so that I can't study for my exams. No way that I'm going to get my diploma and do something productive for the community! The community can kiss my ass! No really, it can. I've decided to become a part time gigolo, see. So if any of you need company, don't hesitate to call. Payments in cash only.

Oh yeah, some Mr. Ruggegraat comics are up for the Dutchies. Enjoy.

OMEGA


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