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09-05-2002
So, there I was, at home, sitting
on the toilet with my pants on my ankles singing at the top of my
lungs, my exams just a week away, and I was bored out of my mind.
Seeing as I was already done there was nothing else for me to do
and I thought "what the heck, let's just make another update
for my site that no one visits!". So here I am.
And there I go. I mean, I now realize
why no one ever visited my site. It sucks. And I don't mean it sucks
like a 8 year old girl does when you tell her you got a lollipop
in your pants, I mean like a leech which has settled inside your
scrotum and has made itself very comfortable there.
But what the hey, the last time
I updated was like 6 months ago. A lot has changed since. Thanks
to Nelly, I've become a racist and signed up with the KKK. They
kicked me out when they found out I was colored though. I didn't
think they would mind make-up. Stupid uptight redneck pricks. Well,
I got back at them: I stole their price pig. Actually, first I stole
their wives, thinking they were of that noble breed known as swine,
but I quickly rectified that error. I sold the women off to a lard
manufacturing company somewhere in Iraq. It really is a good thing
they are a free, capitalistic, slave trading country now.
Another thing that has changed is
my gender. I'm no longer a boy. I'm a MAN now. Many of you will
say "What are you talking about? A boy and a man are both of
the same gender!". Well, to you I say you look mighty stupid
talking to your pc! I hope for your sake no one was there in the
room with you when you said that or they'll think you're some nutcase
who has discussions with his monitor. I mean, a monitor is not there
to argue with, it's there to make sweet, sensual machine sex to.
And by "sweet, sensual machine sex" I mean "masturbating
to porn movies".
But to go back to my point, I'm a MAN now. That's with capitalized
letters. You know why it's written with capitalized letters? Because
I have two cocks now! Yes, you heard that right: TWO COCKS! And
I'm proud of them dammit!
I bought my cocks at a livestock
market a while back. I wanted to buy some roosters as well, but
they were all girlie and stuff and tried to fly away when I kicked
them. So now I never have to set my alarm again because my cocks
wake me up in the morning! Well, one does anyway. I was kinda grumpy
yesterday morning and I kinda bit the other ones head off and then
stuffed the liveless body up my ass. To pay him final respects,
you see.
The final change is not so much
a change, as it is murder one. See, I work at a restaurant now,
as a dishwasher (they can't afford a real, automated one). One day
at work, while I was busy gulping down soap and steaming hot water
and stuffing plates in my mouth, this old woman staggered into the
kitchen looking a bit lost. Being the friendly guy that I am, I
violently snatched away her walking stick and proceeded to beat
her with it until her false teeth got launched out of her mouth
with her last breath, sliding across the floor before coming to
a stop against one of the cooks feet. We do not allow patrons into
the kitchen, you see. Guess the bitch should've thought twice before
she decided to act wild and go trespassing. Really, the old people
today have no respect for rules at all anymore.
So now I'm sitting at home, trying
to hide from the cops, doing everything in my power to fill up my
time so that I can't study for my exams. No way that I'm going to
get my diploma and do something productive for the community! The
community can kiss my ass! No really, it can. I've decided to become
a part time gigolo, see. So if any of you need company, don't hesitate
to call. Payments in cash only.
Oh yeah, some Mr.
Ruggegraat comics are up for the Dutchies. Enjoy.
OMEGA
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